This post is outside the norm of my usual humorous posts. However, today when I was getting a book from my library for a friend an old journal fell out of the bookcase and opened to this entry. It was a sign, and due to our recent loss (7 week embryo of life) I thought I would share it.
The beginning of a new life can arouse all kinds of emotions. The first time I found out my daughter was pregnant we were very excited. She had a beautiful glow about her. I thought to myself, my first grandchild from my first child.
A few days later we were sitting at the dining room table when we saw her pull into the drive way. I knew something was wrong. Falling into my arms I knew she had lost the baby. We cried, we hugged and tried to rationalize the whole thing. Why? Why would this happen to someone so special and deserving? When she left I couldn’t let it go, it didn’t feel right and I needed answers, closure.
That night I started having dreams. My Grandfather kept trying to explain why things happen, saying it was because of him that “She” came and left so quickly. “Trust me,” he said. I couldn’t put it all together, the why’s and why not’s. Piece by piece, like a puzzle, his story began to unfold. I remember waking up crying, it was so moving, beautiful, and breathtaking.
Grandpa said he met “her” when he went to heaven. He tried to explain her to me saying, “Venus, imagine sunlight softly brushing across your cheek, gently placing soft warm kisses from forehead to chin. Imagine the taste of hot homemade cinnamon rolls dripping with melted butter, toasty warm bedcovers tucked snugly on a cold winter night, and Spring everyday of the year. Imagine the pounding in your heart as your daughter walks confidently down the aisle, in that oh-so perfect dress and gives you a teary-eyed glance of approval. At that precise moment you have made all her dreams come true. If security, safety and emotion could possibly describe an entity, behold this breathtaking beauty, a snow-white winged heavenly spirit.”
Grandpa continued, adding how the vision of such beauty took his breath away. “Like a single tear forming in a father’s eye seeing his angelic little princess in her wedding gown for the first time. It’s celestial in reality; “She” is a picturesque portrayal of unconditional love, beauty and bundles of blessings. The luminescent energy she possesses shines so brightly you squint instinctively and draw away. However, you find yourself drawn to it. The soothing warm rays wrap around you holding, hugging, safe.
“Newcomers feel comfort by her soothing touch,” Grandpa added. Fear and confusion melt away, replaced with floating serenity. A lifetime of worries seized at the touch of her hand. Hands pass one by one, sliding graciously into her satiny soft palm. Old and young, it matters not, she is always there waiting to receive. Known as “The Greeter” she holds a highly respected position in heaven. Each new hand relays incredible stories of life on earth. Good lives, wonderful histories and sagas the Greeter never tires of hearing.
On Grandpa’s day, the Greeter reached out to accept his wrinkled freckled hand. As Tom appeared before her he stood proud, so serene, shining, running one hand over his hair as if to straighten a cowlick. As he placed his weathered hand inside hers she gasped. It was magic. Sparks surged through her, awakening a river of undeniable emotion. Insurmountable love passed from one to the other, the history of a family so bonded, so gifted, astonished her. Tom’s strong vibrant grip sparked a passion inside her. She experienced an unfamiliar emotion-hunger. Hunger so deep she starved for every morsel of history he passed through her. She craved for more knowledge, names, and dates. It was only seconds in reality, yet she encountered a lifetime of memories. The expressions on her face varied instantly from incredible happiness, deep sorrow, appreciation, gratefulness, giggles, frowns, bliss, disappointment, surprise, and lastly true love. She could see it in his eyes, feel it, and knew immediately the reason for his journey.
Tom was a family man and loved his soul mate more than life itself. Frances was always right in his eyes, and though she would frustrate him, he placed her ever so gently upon a pedestal of love and deep devotion. She was his energy, his reason for living. The thought of life without her was unimaginable. He knew what he must do. He would go first and wait. He would wait forever if necessary, no matter how long it took. You see Frances was a stubborn woman, but Tom was a patient man.
For many years the Greeter dreamed of living life on earth. Sometimes the stories she received were so enchanting she could barely contain herself. But now, now that she had met Tom, she knew she had to see what he felt. She shared her desires with God, carefully expressing every detail with true desire and emotion. He loved her and understood her desire, however, he pointed out how very important she was to him and all those passing through. The Greeter was loyal to her position and admired by all. She was sunshine, always finding beauty and goodness in everything. Her spirit created an atmosphere of joy and love for those arriving. But now her time had come.
She knew it the moment she took Toms hand. This was her family, the one she always dreamed about, the one she wanted-had to be a part of. She went back to God and he saw the light in her eyes and gave her his blessing. He knew she had a mission and she was ready. Tenderly he showed her what her mother and father looked like and she smiled. She didn’t see their faces, but their souls and she knew God had blessed her. Her life would be filled with unconditional love. Looking at her mother’s radiant beauty and warm smile she felt secure. She saw the love shared between her mother and father and knew why Tom was so very proud of his wife, children, grandchildren, great grand-children, and now great-great grandchildren.
She made the journey gracefully. Through love she nestled into her mother’s womb. The anticipation of the next nine months, of having her mother totally to herself, was pure bliss. She wanted to experience every moment; feel, hear, and touch as she grew inside her mother. Life was good. She loved her mother already and could not wait to meet her. Time was moving so fast it seemed. She wanted to know this family; she wanted to feel what Tom felt. She longed for the passion, love and loyalty she witnessed from him. She wanted to touch all the hearts and listen to each soul he was responsible for. In an instant she was in love with each of us. She thought, “How can I be so lucky and blessed.” Through her mother she could see the special bond we shared-a family. She felt the same emotions that passed through hands when she was a greeter. So many good souls, on so many levels, passed as one by one she had meet those who came. Now she was living them. How different this was, so personal. She wanted to feel them all.
As she snuggled inside her mom, God called to her. She smiled and opened her soul to him. He needed her. She was so special, God needed her more in heaven than we needed her here on earth. She knew at that moment he was right and agreed with his reasons. The only pain she felt was heartbreak. She would never know her physical mother and father on earth, only in heaven. She felt heartbreak for herself and for her mom, dad, grandparents and family. How was this going to affect them? Would they know she loved them? Would they understand why she left?
As she slipped away, painlessly into the hands of God, she knew she would see them again. She would wait for them one by one and know them by name. There was a reason for her leaving. I didn’t know then, but I believe I do now. Our Granddaughter, the Greeter was there for Tom. She was there for Frances. Now she had to be there for her Papa.
Bob knew he was sick for quite a while, but was afraid. Not for himself, but for June. June was his lover, partner, best friend and confidant. Leaving her alone after a lifetime together broke his heart. He had always taken care of her and her him. His time was near.
When it was time, calmness came over him and he stopped fighting. He spent what time he had left preparing the best he could for his soul mate and family. He covered all bases, leaving no questions or doubt. He was so worried about us, little did we know, he was preparing us. He made the transition so gracefully, and as he slipped away from us, from our hands, he slid his hand into hers. She was there for him, and knew him by name. She kissed his cheek and called him “Papa”. He was not afraid anymore.
I only know things happen for a reason. Sometimes we don’t have to understand, only trust, love, and believe. This week Papa and his great granddaughter greeted another little soul into heaven. I can’t think of better hands to be in. We will miss you.